An excellent and heartfelt reminder on the need to be. It is so easy to be caught up in a whirlpool of resistance (against pain) that we sometimes forget that “living” happens when we go with the flow of life. This is something I try and remind myself of every day.
Thank you, Josh. Human habits are so dense that it seems to take super human heart to not resist. I, too, have to remind myself to lay down my weapons and stop fighting.
Josh, I must apologize--you asked me two months ago, I believe, for a book recommendation on Buddhism, and I forgot until just now! Given the vast range of books on Buddhism, are you looking for foundational philosophy, more esoteric philosophy, or something very specific on a particular topic?
Hi Renee thanks so much for getting back. I was after something more grounded in foundational philosophy as a first step. So with a more general focus. Any recommendations would be awesome. 👌
After some reflection, I think two of the Dalai Lama's books may be good reads, laying out foundational philosophy. I'm not promoting the Dalai Lama as a head of Buddhism, but for readings that go deeper than basic academic outlines of Buddhism. I think he does a great job explaining the philosophy without going into the endless weeds of religious this and that. The two books are:
--Ethics for the new millennium
--The universe in a singe atom
If those don't strike you, I have a slew of others that may!
This reminds me of the skill of “observation” from CPT (and Buddhism!) in that observing what is happening is the only way to make it through with less suffering. This was a great post! Thank you!
Just yesterday I was talking with a friend who is currently going through some difficult times and I said to her, that she needs to "be." Do not fight the real feelings, but be with them. I also recognise in myself that my empathy comes from being the child who was pushed and pulled under. My sensitivities that were so ridiculed, are what make me a loving adult. Thank you for your words of comfort today, Renee!
Growing up sensitive is such a gift, but with a high cost until we understand its power. Your empathy is infused in your writings...I can feel it. And now in your yoga class! The marriage between your writing, empathy, and yoga teaching is beautiful.
Thank you for reading, Denise. Allowing is such a key to finding spiritual equanimity. I believe I need to consider how to write about the idea of allowing the physical component to emotional suffering, given that's where I personally stumble and I guess others do, too.
This reminds me of the advice given by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi: just take it as it comes. It's hard though: I have to constantly remind myself of this wisdom.
7th grade is the worst. It is a year that should have extra counselors, therapists, meditation, & extra time away from peers.
I thought everything was going fine. I didn't have friends all year, but it wasn't fine. A very tall girl threatened to beat me up, scheduled a time and place (7 am in the annex hallway). Why you ask? Good question. I was never given a real reason. We had never spoken. I was terrified. The fear was real.
In my crying shower, I looked in the mirror and saw an awkward, pubescent, chubby 13 year old, the thing I hated the most about my face was the hair between my brows. I decided to shave it. In all the heated, shaking awkwardness I missed the mark. Too much eyebrow disappeared. Shit, could it get any worse? Maybe I could draw eyebrows on. Lots of people do it, right? I shaved them both right off & cried. Sat down in the shower and ugly cried. Eventually my dad's terrible advice resounded in my head, (he really did try to parent, but he just wasn't equipped to handle a spirit like mine). I remembered his story of confusing your opponent in a fight. Catch them off-guard, make them uncomfortable, even afraid before the fight begins.
The next morning in the annex, she looked at my face and commented how ugly I looked. She wouldn't touch me because I looked "diseased". It was music to my ears. She never touched me. The humiliation that came with 2 weeks of no eyebrows was minor. No one ever talked to me anyways, I could sit alone at the lunch table, without bruises or broken bones & without big bushy eyebrows. Just my books & a lunch tray. Thank goodness.
Fast forward to today, the anxiety is not the same. It's leading a group of people & give presentations regularly. It's not knowing how to respond when someone is upset with me.
It means making big decisions where there is real ramifications for others & no one to provide guidance. I cannot shave my eyebrows to stop these possible failures.
I have learned techniques to calm the inner ugly-crier, but sometimes a tear or two sneaks out. These techniques are not fail-proof. I could use more & am eager to hear your techniques in mustering courage and calm in difficult situations.
Phia, I so wish we could have walked those years together! School really can be the real Hunger Games in so many ways.
Your story resonates and I can feel your young self and her pain. Sharing your story is helping me consider the best ways to share the techniques I use. I believe our interweaving of sharing our stories not only will strengthen us, but I pray will touch many others.
"As soon as I allow myself to be pulled out to sea to swim the edges of my fear, courage and faith and trust develop that becomes so deeply integrated in awareness."
Dear Renee, this post echos of pure compassion. What a liberating piece of work. Thank you so much for sharing. This is something that I did not know I needed.
Thank you, dear friend. I have to remind myself often to allow when in states of anxiety. For me, it is an extremely challenging shift. Once I make peace with the current, the anxiety immediately begins to dissolve.
An excellent and heartfelt reminder on the need to be. It is so easy to be caught up in a whirlpool of resistance (against pain) that we sometimes forget that “living” happens when we go with the flow of life. This is something I try and remind myself of every day.
Thank you, Josh. Human habits are so dense that it seems to take super human heart to not resist. I, too, have to remind myself to lay down my weapons and stop fighting.
Josh, I must apologize--you asked me two months ago, I believe, for a book recommendation on Buddhism, and I forgot until just now! Given the vast range of books on Buddhism, are you looking for foundational philosophy, more esoteric philosophy, or something very specific on a particular topic?
Hi Renee thanks so much for getting back. I was after something more grounded in foundational philosophy as a first step. So with a more general focus. Any recommendations would be awesome. 👌
After some reflection, I think two of the Dalai Lama's books may be good reads, laying out foundational philosophy. I'm not promoting the Dalai Lama as a head of Buddhism, but for readings that go deeper than basic academic outlines of Buddhism. I think he does a great job explaining the philosophy without going into the endless weeds of religious this and that. The two books are:
--Ethics for the new millennium
--The universe in a singe atom
If those don't strike you, I have a slew of others that may!
This reminds me of the skill of “observation” from CPT (and Buddhism!) in that observing what is happening is the only way to make it through with less suffering. This was a great post! Thank you!
Yes! It is the only way that I've found that serves as the "one pill" to cure the anxiety. Thank you, Adrian!
Just yesterday I was talking with a friend who is currently going through some difficult times and I said to her, that she needs to "be." Do not fight the real feelings, but be with them. I also recognise in myself that my empathy comes from being the child who was pushed and pulled under. My sensitivities that were so ridiculed, are what make me a loving adult. Thank you for your words of comfort today, Renee!
Thank you very much, Alice.
Growing up sensitive is such a gift, but with a high cost until we understand its power. Your empathy is infused in your writings...I can feel it. And now in your yoga class! The marriage between your writing, empathy, and yoga teaching is beautiful.
Thank you Renee. I'm reading a book currently that talks about this too. Allowing.
Thank you for reading, Denise. Allowing is such a key to finding spiritual equanimity. I believe I need to consider how to write about the idea of allowing the physical component to emotional suffering, given that's where I personally stumble and I guess others do, too.
This reminds me of the advice given by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi: just take it as it comes. It's hard though: I have to constantly remind myself of this wisdom.
Hard, indeed!
Thank you for your recommendation, Renee. As bit happens I recommended yours in Substack chat last night.
Of course:) And thank you! I really ought to join those chats again.
7th grade is the worst. It is a year that should have extra counselors, therapists, meditation, & extra time away from peers.
I thought everything was going fine. I didn't have friends all year, but it wasn't fine. A very tall girl threatened to beat me up, scheduled a time and place (7 am in the annex hallway). Why you ask? Good question. I was never given a real reason. We had never spoken. I was terrified. The fear was real.
In my crying shower, I looked in the mirror and saw an awkward, pubescent, chubby 13 year old, the thing I hated the most about my face was the hair between my brows. I decided to shave it. In all the heated, shaking awkwardness I missed the mark. Too much eyebrow disappeared. Shit, could it get any worse? Maybe I could draw eyebrows on. Lots of people do it, right? I shaved them both right off & cried. Sat down in the shower and ugly cried. Eventually my dad's terrible advice resounded in my head, (he really did try to parent, but he just wasn't equipped to handle a spirit like mine). I remembered his story of confusing your opponent in a fight. Catch them off-guard, make them uncomfortable, even afraid before the fight begins.
The next morning in the annex, she looked at my face and commented how ugly I looked. She wouldn't touch me because I looked "diseased". It was music to my ears. She never touched me. The humiliation that came with 2 weeks of no eyebrows was minor. No one ever talked to me anyways, I could sit alone at the lunch table, without bruises or broken bones & without big bushy eyebrows. Just my books & a lunch tray. Thank goodness.
Fast forward to today, the anxiety is not the same. It's leading a group of people & give presentations regularly. It's not knowing how to respond when someone is upset with me.
It means making big decisions where there is real ramifications for others & no one to provide guidance. I cannot shave my eyebrows to stop these possible failures.
I have learned techniques to calm the inner ugly-crier, but sometimes a tear or two sneaks out. These techniques are not fail-proof. I could use more & am eager to hear your techniques in mustering courage and calm in difficult situations.
Phia, I so wish we could have walked those years together! School really can be the real Hunger Games in so many ways.
Your story resonates and I can feel your young self and her pain. Sharing your story is helping me consider the best ways to share the techniques I use. I believe our interweaving of sharing our stories not only will strengthen us, but I pray will touch many others.
Thank you, so much Phia
"As soon as I allow myself to be pulled out to sea to swim the edges of my fear, courage and faith and trust develop that becomes so deeply integrated in awareness."
🕉️ 💖🙏
You warm my heart by resonating with these words.
Dear Renee, this post echos of pure compassion. What a liberating piece of work. Thank you so much for sharing. This is something that I did not know I needed.
Thank you, dear friend. I have to remind myself often to allow when in states of anxiety. For me, it is an extremely challenging shift. Once I make peace with the current, the anxiety immediately begins to dissolve.